Know Your Identity

 (Testimony read to congregation at First Baptist Church in Lovington, NM in July of 2018)

Answering God’s Call 

            I wanted to share the process of how I got to this point and how my identity had to change in order to hear the call God had for me and my family.  To be called I had to go through a process and its been the hardest thing me and my wife have ever faced.  There were a lot of sleepless nights.  So many failures and a lot of times I asked why?  “Why do I have to go through this?  Why me?”  But, that’s the commitment we all made.  Making the commitment to follow Jesus was the easy part.  The hard part is when life demands that you honor or faulter on your commitment.  Following is supposed to be hard.  Luke 9:23 says “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must deny yourself, take up your cross daily, and follow me.”  Jesus doesn’t sugar coat it, he doesn’t say follow when it’s convenient, or just at church.  Jesus said daily carry your cross.  A cross that historically weighed around 300lbs.  This commitment to follow is supposed to be hardest thing you ever do.  I would argue that if you’ve had a comfortable Christian walk your entire life, then you’re probably doing it wrong.  I was already broken and it wasn’t until God finished completely breaking me that I realized what needed to be done before I could do what God called me to do. 

1. Know Your Identity

            For the last 10 years I was “The Head Baseball Coach” and my entire identity was wrapped into that.  When my career first started, I was very good at my job and turned programs around, won playoff games, won tournaments, and created teams that were well respected.  However, when your identity is in worldly things and it doesn’t work out, you’re going to be miserable.  The one thing I was supposed to be good at I wasn’t anymore.  No one looked at me saying what a Godly man I was, they were more worried about my record and so was I.  When this idol you created lets you down, you’re left feeling unfulfilled.  I went from having one of the best records among coaches in New Mexico to one of the worst.  I’ve watched peer after peer pass me with milestones and championships.  It got so bad that I endured 3 straight no-hitters against my team.  Twenty-one innings without a single hit.  During which we had a streak of twelve straight innings where we didn’t even get a runner on base.  I didn’t know how to go home and face my wife.  I wasn’t fulfilling what I thought my identity should be, so I worried she would be embarrassed of my failures.  After a third straight season of over twenty losses and only four wins I broke down.  I got down on my knees and cried out, “I give up!!”.  “I can’t do this anymore.  Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”  After that prayer I waited for God’s response.  I felt this identity crisis gnawing at me.  My former pastor Matt Thackerson at Lovington talked about knowing your identity on Sundays.  Coach Matt Deggs of Sam Houston State talked about knowing your identity when I went to go watch him speak in Denver City.  I felt like the message had been everywhere, I had just been ignoring it.  Know your identity.  I was miserable because I valued the wrong things.  I was miserable because what I chose to put my identity into had failed me.  I was miserable because my identity wasn’t in Jesus who would never fail me.  Always know your identity and make sure others identify you as a follower of Jesus.

2. Seek God First

            There are times that we all have problems and we do the wise thing of seeking advice.  How often do we go to social media or Google first to look for an answer?  Often times we have a friend who is smarter than us and we go straight to that person for advice or ask them to fix the problem.  Where is the spiritual growth in that?  Ask God First.  Proverbs 3:6 reads, “In all ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.”  When you buy a puzzle do you open the box, pour out all the pieces, and make sure every single piece is accounted for?  No, of course not.  You trust that the person who designed the puzzle put every piece you need inside the box already.  God designed your puzzle, and he knows every piece you need.  Unplug from the world, pray for his guidance and trust that he will send you what you need.  That’s how I knew my time in Lovington was over.  No one was forcing me out the door.  I knew I did everything I was sent there to learn and accomplish.  When I resigned my position, I had no idea where we were going.  I just waited for God to tell me where.  I was serious when I prayed “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”  Even before I had any job interviews, we put out house on the market.  This house, that we had saved and worked our way out of debt for 10 years for.  This house that we had designed from the ground up, every cabinet, tile, and doorknob we chose.  The house was only a year old and while everyone told us we were crazy to sell, we followed God first.  We figured it would be a few months before we would even get anyone interested in buying our house.  My wife agreed and we were committed if God was serious about us leaving, we weren’t going to hold on to any excuses.  Our first full priced offer came within 24 hours and I still hadn’t even interviewed for a job.  Pojoaque was a place I had left previously due to the long drive from Rio Rancho and I had no intention of going back.  After numerous parents texted and called asking me to come back and prayers from us asking if this was where we were needed, I interviewed for the Head Baseball Job at Pojoaque Valley High School.  Ten minutes after my interview was over, I was offered the job.  Even after parents and newspapers questioned my old identity and brought up my losing record and doubt crept into my mind, God sent me a reminder.  I was driving to my aunt’s house in Albuquerque questioning if I was making the right decision.  While being lost in thought I had turned one road too soon and gotten lost on a dead-end street.  So, I turned around and headed back to the main road.  When I got to the intersection, I looked up at the stop sign and it read “Pojoaque Street”.  I smiled and said. “Now you’re just showing off.”  Life is going to happen and you must seek God first in all that you do.

3. Don’t Be A Victim                  

            I played this role at one point in my life.  I asked “Why me?” numerous times.  I felt my family was cursed with tragedy.  Alcoholism, domestic violence, and drug abuse have been long standing in my family.  My mother had her first child at 14 years old, to this day I have never met him nor do I know his name.  She suffers from numerous mental health issues and is physically disabled, currently living in a nursing home.  My father suffered a horrible wreck while on duty as a police officer that crippled his leg.  He never fully recovered from it and began to drink heavily.  My father past away in September of 2017.  My uncle died suddenly of a brain aneurysm and his twin girls went to live with their mother in Texas.  The girls’ mother would soon later die of cancer.  Just a few years ago one of the twins was out with her friends when she collapsed and died of a brain aneurysm just like her father.  My cousin went and got tested and found out she has the same diagnosis as her father and sister and could pass away just like them.  At 18 years old I accepted a baseball scholarship to Eastern New Mexico University where doctors discovered my first of two heart defects that would ultimately end my playing career before it even started.  All of this has been in preparation for what is yet to come.  Endurance develops character and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation, Romans 5:4.  I could have easily played the victim card.  I’m sure plenty of people would have felt sorry for me.  I saw my mother and my father both give in and play the victim to the difficulties God had placed in front of them.  I had told my wife when we had first gotten married, I believed God wanted me to do something bigger with my life.  I refused to accept my failures as permanent and began to take ownership of my life and my faith.  God never promised he wouldn’t give you more than you can handle.  Strength can’t be developed if you never pass your limits.  Are you building up strength or playing the victim? Are you going through hard times or are you growing through hard times?  Timothy 1:7 For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline.         

4. Respond

            The true measure of a man is not what he does with his success, it’s how he handles his failures.  I failed in every aspect of my life.  I had to fail for almost 10 years as a husband before I learned how to be emotionally mature enough to lead and be the right husband for my wife.  I had to fail at coaching, I had to fail at everything.  Pastor Steve Smothermon used to always say “We serve the God of another chance.”  2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away, behold the new has come.”  I used to ask God “Why did I have to go through this?” numerous times.  Now, I thank him for choosing me to go through all of it.  I had to learn to endure and grow my faith.  You have to take advantage of the opportunity of a lifetime during the lifetime of the opportunity.  I finally responded with my second chance.  How will you respond with yours?